An extraordinary event was witnessed at a Memphis branch Union Planters bank today. Heather Williams of Germantown pulled up to the drive-thru ATM, put her card in, withdrew cash and then her card, and pulled away in mind-boggling two minutes and 48 seconds. Ms. Williams set a new world record for “Female Drive- Thru ATM Withdrawal.”

ATM Officials were giddy at the site of this remarkable woman. “Oh, man, I knew there was something special right when she pulled up!” Bank Manager Brian Sontag gushed. “She nailed positioning her car right in front of the ATM! She didn’t go too far forward, then have to put her car in reverse, then ease back up a little bit, then back completely out because she was too far from the machine. Unbelievable!”

As the record breaking ATM withdrawal was taking place, Sontag marveled at how Williams defied the dictates of style. “I was breathless when she got the car positioned right and would have been able to pass that story along to my grand-children. But I almost passed out when she had her ATM card *ready* to insert! There was no digging through her purse! No fumbling with that little white envelope that women store the card between uses. She had it ready — and get this — she didn’t have to check her address book for her PIN number!!!”

Sontag shook his head, amazed. “Williams also didn’t read every screen of the ATM window. She didn’t get on her cell phone and ask guidance from her best friend on the best denominations to withdraw!”

Sontag continued. “While the ATM was processing her request,” Sontag sits, obviously overcome with disbelief, “Ms. Williams didn’t start touching up her makeup! There was no adjusting of the rear view mirror, no fumbling through her purse for some lipstick. This had an enormous effect on her record breaking run since she didn’t have to put all of that crap away when the money came out!”

When the money popped out of the ATM, Sontag reports, Williams was ready. “As I said, she wasn’t putting on her makeup. She was studying the machine and when that money came out, she removed it. Pressed the button to let it know she didn’t want any other transactions — and, because she never took her car out of ‘drive’, she didn’t put the car in *reverse* and back up over the guy behind her!”

Union Planters had a camera on the entire transaction and plans to turning the film into a training video for the ATM-challenged.

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